Close scrutiny will show that most “crisis situations” are opportunities to either advance, or stay where you are. — Maxwell Maltz

It’s 3:36 in the morning, and there you are. Wide awake. Staring at the ceiling.

The wolf is at the door. Now what?

Here’s “now what”: Get up, get something (non-alcoholic) to drink, sit down with pen and paper, and get ready to play, “Just the Facts, Man.”

Rule One is to remember that thoughts are not real. As Byron Katie says, the worst thing that will happen to you is only a thoughts. Repeat that a couple of times: Thoughts are not real. They’re stories. That means you can use them to your advantage rather than choose to let them make you crazy.

Rule Two is that ungrounded, subjective statements about your situation are not allowed. “I’m going to lose the house” is an ungrounded statement — it is not a fact. “I have more expenses than I have income” is a grounded statement. See the difference?

Rule Three is that the question “How?” is not allowed. As Peter Block puts it, the answer to How is Yes.

Got it? Good. Here’s how to play “Just the Facts, Man”:

1. On a piece of paper write, “What sensations am I feeling now?” Then list each physical sensation you’re feeling. Be specific. Examples: My neck feels tight. The sides of my head toward the back feel tense and achy. My upper back aches right between the shoulder blades. My eyes feel dry.

   When done, set this piece of paper aside and proceed to Step 2.

2. On another piece of paper write, “What are the facts of mysituation?” Then make grounded statements about the situationyou’re in. Turn each of your worst-case thoughts into grounded observations.

   Continuing with the example from Rule Two, a grounded statement might be, “I have more expenses than I have income.” While acknowledging the fact may generate feelings of discomfort, it’s the truth and not a made up future like, “Oh, no, I’m going to lose the house.” Of course, it might be that you are in a situation that calls for tough decisions.

   Let’s say your bank has foreclosed on your home. The ungrounded observation: “I’m losing my house.” The grounded observation: “I must leave this house and find another place to live.”

   When done, set this piece of paper aside and proceed to Step 3.

3. At the top of another piece of paper write, “The things that could happen are…” and list the possible outcomes of your situation, from best-case to worst-case. Again, make grounded observations rather than apocalyptic statements. “We’ll be homeless and hungry” is not only an ungrounded observation, but it does not actually happen to those who choose action over acquiescence.

   Once again, set this page aside and proceed to Step 4.

4. Retrieve your facts list from Step 2. Now it’s time to create options and decide upon multiple courses of action. “But what if I fail?” is a useless question. The truth is, if you want to get out of a tough situation, you’re going to have to make many attempts to do so. Some attempts will succeed and others won’t. Double your failure rate — or even triple it — if you want things to change more quickly.

   For example, suppose one fact is, “I have more expenses than I have income.” There are two option questions here: “What can I do to reduce my expenses?” and “What can I do to increase income?” Be thorough and creative. It’s often helpful to do this exercise with someone you trust.

   For each option you create ask, “What actions must I take to bring this option into reality?” Refine your list to identify the steps you must take if, for example, you want to reduce expenses by $1000 in the next 30 days. Break the actions down until you know what you must do today to start making it happen.

There are always options that yield continued positive existence. You must decide whether you’re going to lead a life of fantasy or truth. You must choose between action and acquiescence, between doing nothing and creating options.

The very act of identifying options gives you control over your life. You have no control over outcomes, and you certainly have no control over the consequences you’re getting now from choices you made in the past.

When the wolf is at the door, surviving and thriving is all about identifying options and taking creative action.

Perhaps it’s time to whip up a little wolf stew. Got any carrots?

Assumptions are the termites of relationships. — Henry Winkler

Note: My friend Renee Godette of Rx Productions inspired me to be especially concise today. Or at least as concise as I am given to be. ;-D

Funny how we really need each other, isn’t it?

Even the most introverted person needs the nourishment provided by contact with other people. We all need silence and solitude. But the truth is that we’re meant to work and live together, we humans.

We’re somehow fed by positive interactions with others. Even in conflict — and perhaps especially then — we challenge one another to stretch the limits of our perceptions. That’s part of what helps us grow.

Loneliness is a curable condition.

Of course, we can be de-energized by our interactions, too. We can get “food poisoning” from the persistent, destructive negative attitudes of others. Be mindful, then, about those with whom you choose to associate.

Yes, we need each other.

As you make your way through the day, observe how your interactions with people affect your energy. Observe how you affect theirs. Commit yourself to spending good time with people who leave you feeling refreshed and happy.

And be nourished.

Sleep is the best meditation. — Dalai Lama

How sweet it is to sleep! And how difficult life can seem when we miss a good night’s rest or two.

Most people at some time in their lives have an encounter with insomnia. Sometimes its due to physical changes as we age. Other times its worry that bars us from Morpheus’s gate. The good news is that getting back on track is not complicated.

To that end, here is a simple set of suggestions for overcoming insomnia and getting the sleep you need. They come from first-hand experience when I had to deal with insomnia caused by injuries a couple of years ago.

• Consult your doctor — particularly if he or she practices integrative medicine. My doctor is also an osteopath, and he helped me discover what I needed to get back to a restful night’s sleep.
• Begin by recording your nighttime habits, your pre-bedtime rituals (if any), and your sleeping patterns. When you aren’t sleeping well, what’s going on physically? Mentally? Do you have trouble falling asleep, do you awaken suddenly in the middle of the night? Awareness is half the battle.
• After 5pm, watch no television and read no newspapers or magazines — particularly those that tend to leave you “all worked up.” If there is a television in your room, get rid of it.
• Before dinner, take a 15- to 30-minute walk. You’ll eat better and, chances are, sleep better, too. * Eat a light dinner low in starches and high in protein.
• Avoid listening to “heavy” music in the evening. If you like to listen to music, try something soothing rather than rock and roll, pop, rap, or hip-hop.
• Read a good novel or non-news magazine about an hour before bed.
• About 15 minutes before retiring, have a plain cracker, such as a saltine. If you can tolerate it, have a small glass of at least 2% milk.
• If you aren’t taking supplements, consider taking GABA and L-theanine before bed. Melatonin also works very well for some people. If you suffer from anxiety and/or depression also, try a 50mg dose of 5-HTP.
• At bedtime, lie down and make yourself comfortable. Take a deep breath and let it go. Take another. Then scan your body from the top of your head to the soles of your feet and back up. Notice any tension in the body. Starting at the head, consciously relax your muscles, seeing any tension flow out through your fingers and toes.
• If you awaken in the middle of the night, and simply cannot get back to sleep, get up. Find that book you were reading, or get a pen and paper and write about the things that are on your mind. When sleepy again, return to bed and sleep.
• Another tool that works for some people is the use of a full-spectrum lamp in the early morning. I used one to help reset my internal sleep clock — it certainly seemed to do some good in my case. My doctor had one that he loans out to his patients, and a couple of weeks’ use did wonders.

Above all, avoid getting into the trap of worrying about whether you’ll sleep or not. Practice some of the anti-anxiety techniques I’ve shared in other newsletters and get back into the moment.

Sleep well!

Make visible what, without you, might perhaps never have been seen. — Robert Bresson

Vision transforms into action via clarity.

So to get what you want from life, you must imagine it first. The more detail you bring into your vision, the easier it will be for that vision to become the daily truth of your life.

As you go about designing your life, use the suggestions and questions below as thought provokers and vision expanders. If a suggestion doesn’t apply to you, ignore it. Do a little every day, and watch your life change.

• A mysterious benefactor just bought you the dwelling of your dreams, perfect in every detail. You’re being flown to it in a helicopter. Starting from far up in the air, describe your new home in ever-increasing detail. Where is it, specifically. Is it in an urban or rural setting? Which country is it in? Land and walk in. Smell it, touch it, hear it, see it. What’s it like?
• Now that rent or mortgage is no longer an expense, you suddenly realize that you no longer have to earn a living — you can do anything you want, be of use in any way that pleases you. What do you do now?
• What is your biggest dream, the one you’ve never fully explored? Explore it now.
• You’ve decided to start your own business. Not merely a self-employed job, but a business. What does it do for you? For others?
• You’re able to take two months off every year. What, specifically, do you do with all that time?

Now go and create that life for yourself and loved ones.

There are few precedents to guide us in the rebirth of our dream, only the possibility that as we leap into the unknown we will have the courage to create the lives and society we so desperately want. — Frederic M. Hudson

Terrible trouble.

That’s the secret, oddly enough, to writing good comedy or good drama. A cycle of ever-increasing tension, followed by its climactic release, can bring tears or laughter. Drama and comedy both remind us that life moves through tragedy and humor, leaving people behind who either give up, frustrated and desperate, or who stand again and move forward.

It’s vision that moves us forward. Vision is the fuel of the heart more than any other thing. It is what keeps the flame of courage burning bright.

But there are days when vision seems to fail us. It is difficult to perceive a better future when we’re caught in the travails of our own terrible troubles. The story of fear our minds create as we peer into the unknown can bring even the greatest to their knees.

That’s why having vision and refining it every day is so important. If you want something better for your life, you must become a master of vision.

Vision is more than dreaming. It is at once the ability to see both the outcome you truly desire and the steps that lead you there. The more clearly you see, feel, and hear the total vision, the easier it is to take the steps to reach the outcome.

Clear vision transforms us into creatures of positive action. When a dream becomes a vision, movement begins. We gain momentum. We move into the vision itself almost automatically.

Seek and ye shall find if at first you clearly visualize the world of the desired result. The key is to bring precision into your vision practice. You must be clear on the desired outcome.

See your life the way you truly want to be living it. Experience it in your mind with ever-increasing detail. Go where your physical energy goes — you’re on the right track when you feel energized.

When you experience the dream, don’t worry if at first it’s difficult to “see” pictures of it in your mind. Bring all your senses to bear. What does your vision feel like? Smell like? Sound like? Taste like?

Specifics transform vision into action.

This week, consider what you truly want for your life. Whether that life includes rock climbing, gardening, or travel (or all three!), see it as though it were a fact right now. Ignore all imagined obstacles. You know what you want, deep inside.

Imagine it and watch yourself naturally begin creating it.

Do your work, then step back. The only path to serenity. — Lao Tse

The bolt wouldn’t budge. And it had to come out.

So I spat on my hands, grabbed the wrench, and heave ho! — snapped the bolt head right off.

As anyone who has ever broken a bolt head off will tell you, this is not a happy experience. Especially when the bolt is attached to the engine or someone else’s lawnmower.

Happy, no. Illuminating, yes.

I have only a simple question for you to consider today: What are you forcing in your life today?

Here’s the truth: Forcing something to happen never works. Oh, sure, you might hear of people forcing, say, chrysanthemums to grow out of season, but that’s not what they’re doing at all. The grower merely supplies the proper conditions for growth, then lo and behold the flower grows and blooms.

That isn’t forcing. It’s working with the requirements of the plant, right?

In the case of my bolt, the right thing to have done was to apply a little penetrating lubricant and patiently work the bolt out. I might have had to drill it out and retap the threads anyway, but perhaps not. And I certainly wouldn’t have busted my knuckles in the process.

So. What isn’t budging in your work or life right now? What isn’t happening as quickly as you think it should? Rather than trying to force it to happen, discover the conditions required to induce progress.

Approach the problem in context, supply the appropriate conditions, and watch change happen. All by itself.

Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward. — Kurt Vonnegut

A piece of ragged rope goes into a bar.

“Hey,” the bartender yells, “aren’t you the lasso I kicked out of here last week?”

“‘Fraid not,” says the rope.

Yes, I know — it’s a groaner. But you know I had to do it — there are times when we’re all too solemn for our own good. I’ve been a lover of puns and odd humor all my life. In fact, after a stretch of particularly taxing mental work I find that I get downright silly.

When was the last time you let yourself get silly? Or are you too dignified for all that stuff? I hope not, because laughter is a powerful healing force. You’ve no doubt heard of laughing yoga:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eXgdSO

Crazy? Indeed. And watching it cracked me up.

We’re supposed to laugh, and a lot more than most of us manage to do these days.

In my mastermind group last Friday, one of our members had been going through a rough patch. We were listening and offering ideas when he made a comment that another member riffed on, and suddenly we were on a roll. I laughed until I cried. It was wonderful.

You wouldn’t believe how relieved he looked afterward.

So, get out and laugh today. Watch a comedy or listen to your favorite comedian. Even better, find some little children to watch or play with, if they’ll let you. Children are people who have not yet forgotten how to laugh.

And above all remember the wisdom of Groucho Marx:

We must remember that art is art. Well, on the other hand water is water isn’t it? And east is east and west is west. And if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.

Ah, sweet silliness!

I have never known any distress that an hour’s reading did not relieve. –Montesquieu

“I just can’t do this anymore,” Paul said. It’s been hectic getting the business going, but the last month has been just awful.”

“How so?” I said.

“I’ll tell you how so,” he said. His voice had an edge to it that was practically a physical presence in my office despite the fact that we were speaking by phone. “It’s just all falling apart. Customers aren’t paying. We have a new set of workshops starting next week and enrollment is off.

“I’m trying to get more marketing collateral out to bring in more business, but the person who was doing it left for a retreat because the energy was getting to intense. And to top it off, the guy I was training to run operations and conduct some of the workshops quit and moved to Portland.

“It’s not going to work. I’m stuck doing everything, and I just want to run away.”

How so indeed.

If you live in this world, you’ve had a taste in your own life of what my client Paul (not his real name) was going through. It’s called overwhelm. It’s epidemic among small business owners and entrepreneurs, but life affords ample opportunity for overwhelm even if you live on a horse ranch in Montana.

The key to managing overwhelm is to step out of it and regain perspective. That doesn’t mean that you have to run away, though. Far from it. All you have to do is recognize the overwhelm trance and then do what’s necessary to ground yourself again.

Easy for me to say, right?

Overwhelm is nothing more than a trance state brought on when we hit sensory overload. It’s the story we make up to explain that sensory overload, too, about being trapped by circumstances over which we have no control.

Our bodies are astonishingly complex information receptors, every scanning our environment and passing information to our brains. Millions of bits of information come at us every second.

When the information gets too dense, erratic, or just plain noisy, our bodies signal us in a dozen different ways that it’s “getting a little hot out here.” Increase the information density too much and our nervous systems practically catch fire.

The brain then gets flooded with what seems like ten thousand sirens going off at once. The resulting thought? “Get me the heck out of here.”

Bingo. Overwhelm.

What should you do when you hit overwhelm? Well, you get the heck out of there! I’m not kidding, though “getting out of there” doesn’t mean you have to run away to Calcutta. Doing something as simple as taking a 30-minute walk will help. Go have a little something to eat in a quiet, out-of-the-way spot. Put on a pair of headphones and listen to calming music.

Or pick up the phone and call a friend or trusted advisor.

These suggestions may seem too simple, but they work every time. Step out of the overwhelm trance and give your body a break from all that input. Then observe the thoughts that come up, watching for any fictions created to explain the overload. Ground yourself again, then connect with someone to get a reality check.

The truth of any overwhelm situation is this: You’ve experienced overwhelm before. You haven’t made it this far in life without having gone through — and survived — many a crisis. The odds are therefore excellent you’ll survive this one, too.

Pretty much 100%, in fact.

It all comes back to awareness and a regular practice dedicated to maintaining a high degree of personal resilience. Get into the habit of stepping out of the fray several times a day. Refresh yourself. Ask for help from people you trust.

In Paul’s case, the conversation was enough to get grounded again. He’s discovered that he goes through cycles of overwhelm during this phase of business, and that he can moderate them by taking better care of himself every day.

Simple stuff. By the way, sometimes it’s perfectly okay to run away for a day or two. There may be some cleaning up to do when you return, but you’ll have the energy and focus to take care of it. Guaranteed.

The common idea that success spoils people by making them vain, egotistic, and self-complacent is erroneous; on the contrary, it makes them, for the most part, humble, tolerant, and kind. Failure makes people cruel and bitter. — W. Somerset Maugham

Everything I know about how to thrive anywhere, I learned from the Sahara Desert.

Few locations on our beautiful planet match the inhospitable Sahara in the rawness of its environment. Yet life thrives there. How can this be? More to the point, what can we learn from the desert denizens that thrive in such a place?

Most people think it barren, but the Sahara is home to over 300 species of migratory bird, dozens of mammals, numerous reptiles, and countless insects. Oh, and human beings. Yes, we’re there, too, living in complete harmony with the environment.

Makes sense to me, then, that thriving ought to be our natural state, regardless of how bad the news tells us the economy may be.

Don’t Let the Economy Mesmerize You Into Inaction

I confess I felt compelled to write about thriving after a phone call with a friend yesterday. “It’s bad out there,” he insisted. “Shops are vacant, and there aren’t many customers for the ones that are still open.”

“Yeah?” I said. “So how is it you stay in business?”

“I’m unique,” my friend replied. “I stay on top of what my customers need, and I give it to them better than anyone else. So, like I was saying, it’s pretty bad out there.”

I had to laugh. Despite his observations about the state of our economy, he didn’t believe any of it applied to himself. Why not? Because he uniquely and effectively gives his customers what they want at a good price.

I work with a lot of anxious business people. It’s part of what I do. They’re so worried about the economy that they’ve become hypnotized by the spectre of losing their businesses or their jobs. Some of them have.

But you don’t have to be so mesmerized.

All you have to do is pay attention to what’s going on around you and follow seven simple steps to thrive in any economy.

The Seven Simple Steps

What works in the Sahara Desert and what works for my friend will work for you, too. The seven steps to thrive are:

1. Before anything else, be completely present. From that practice of presence, pay careful attention to everything happening around you.
2. Be well integrated with your environment. Work with it; don’t expect it to work according to your demands.
3. Seek to serve rather than to be served. Serve well.
4. Work the way the Universe works: Synthesize, collaborate, and be concentric.
5. Turn off the news. Look around you. Yes, there are empty stores. There are also thriving businesses, and new ones starting every day. Stop focusing on the potholes in the road ahead or you’ll hit every one of them.
6. Be resilient. Keep your mind and body sharp.
7. Tune into the change needs of the people you serve. These are not platitudes. They’re truths.

You’ll find many different ways to follow these seven steps. Much has been written about thriving, but you’d do worse than pick up a copy of The Richest Man in Babylon, by George Samuel Clason. It’s a quick and simple read that packs a wallop.

Oh, and by the way — it’s not about riches. It’s about creating the sustainable life you truly desire.

No matter where you live.

There is advantage in the wisdom won from pain. — Aeschylus

My head felt as though the headache wanted to split it open.

And all I could do was sit with it.

I don’t get headaches very often. Almost never, in fact. But we’ve had a virus going through the family this week, and today it hit me full-on. So I left the office early, went home, changed into comfortable clothes, and laid down to ride it out.

Right Focus is the Key

I’m a believer in bringing all one’s focus to bear when faced with a problem or challenge. Mind you, that’s not the same as struggling. The quality of focus of which I’m speaking is one that begins not with a struggle, but with acceptance. Specifically, it begins with acceptance of the state or condition as it is, without wishing it to be anything else.

It’s counter-intuitive, I suppose, this idea of allowing a pain or discomfort simply to be what it is without wanting to get rid of it. I’ve had a lot of experience with physical pain the past six years, however, and I learned a lot about acceptance from it.

I discovered there were two ways to deal with pain. One was is to disassociate the mind from it by shifting my mind into another state. The other technique allowed me to sit in the center of the pain itself and be at peace with it.

Truth be told, I found the latter method far more effective in the long run. The problem with disassociation was that I always had to return to the pain. The advantage to centering focus was that I discovered a new freedom in the pain, and I believed I healed faster as a result.

So when the headache struck me today, I knew what to do.

Find the Center of the Pain

I located the center of the pain itself, imagining my breath moving into and out of it smoothly and naturally. I focused on the headache’s epicenter, if you will, and in my mind’s eye sat down inside it.

I lost track of time.

At some point I became aware that my conscious mind had found a place of rest, despite the fact that the headache raged on and my body had begun to feel a little feverish. It was a though I sat in an oasis of the mind, surrounded by a scorching desert.

Some time later I awoke to the ministrations of Gracie Moon, one of our cats. I sat up a checked in with my body. Though I still felt a little warm, the headache had subsided to a faint echo of itself. I pulled out pen and paper to write this column afterwards.

The Power of Attention and Focus

I am grateful for the power of attention and focus. Learning to focus on difficulties in this special way — by mentally sitting in the center of them — strengthened my mind in ways that pay dividends every day.

If you want to develop a sharper, more resilient mind, I suggest starting slowly with some simple mental stretching. One of my favorite stretches I call “hear it all.”

Find a comfortable place to sit. Take a deep breath and sigh. Now pick a sound in your immediate environment and focus your attention on it. Listen to it. Bring your full sense of hearing to it so you can perceive its texture, rhythm, and depth. Hold the sound in focus for several seconds. Now, without ignoring the first sound, bring your attention to a second sound. Focus on it while still hearing the first sound clearly. Hear them both clearly now, then bring your attention to a third sound.

Repeat the process until you can hear all the sounds around you simultaneously without focusing on any one of them. Sit in this sonic space for several minutes. You’ll find it’s quite a challenge at first but, as with any physical exercise, your mental muscles will benefit tremendously from the workout.

You will likely discover unexpected side benefits, such as improved overall mental performance and a greater sense of awareness.

Not to mention a cure for headaches.