Decide what you want, decide what you are willing to exchange for it. Establish your priorities and go to work. — H.L. Hunt

Are you ready for a truly illuminating personal experience? An exercise that will challenge, surprise, and even shock you? Then take a little ride with me today.

To get what you really want from life you have to know what’s truly important to you. Makes sense, doesn’t it? Good. So let’s find out what’s truly important to you right now so you can get on with the good work of getting what you really want.

This process may at first seem self-evident and a little simplistic, but stick with me. The results will be worth your while.

Step 1: List the Things You Believe Are Important in Your Life

Get a piece of paper and write a list of everything that’s truly important to you in your life. Include categories such as family, relationships, finances, mental and physical health, work, and play.

Stop now and make that list. When you’re done, set it aside and move to the next step.

Step 2: List the Activities That Consume Most of Your Time

On a separate sheet of paper list what you spend your days and weeks doing. What’s actually taking up your time? Refer to your datebook or calendar and look back over the last month. Be specific.

Stop now and make that list.

I confess: My first experience with this exercise was an eye-opener. I realized that though one of my most important things to do was complete the book I was writing, I was actually spending my time doing anything BUT writing the book. Was I avoiding it? I’m not in the mood to do that much self-analysis. But what I learned was that I had a problem with the way I was setting my priorities. They didn’t match what I wanted to get from my life.

How well do the items in your list reflect what you wrote in the first one?

Set aside your lists and proceed to the next step.

Step 3: List What You Spend Your Money On

I’ve seen people cringe and walk away from this one. It’s a scary step for many people because they have strained relationships with money. (I’ll show you what to do about that another time.) Truth is that what you spend your money says a lot about what your priorities really are.

On another sheet of paper, list what you actually spend your money on. Refer to your check register or online bank account for to be as accurate as possible. Go back over the past month so your list has depth.

Stop now and make that list.

What do you see? How well does what you spend your money on reflect what you believe is truly important to you?

Matching What You Believe with What You Do

The first time I did the money exercise was during a period of my life in which I was recovering from addiction. What I believed was truly important to me — family, financial well-being, health, and so forth — was not reflected in how I spent my time and money. It hurt to see that. But the exercise opened my eyes.

What about you? Perhaps you want to live an anxiety-free life yet are still living an anxiety-inducing lifestyle. Or perhaps you’re out of shape and want to get healthy again but you keep doing things that keep you that unhealthy and overweight.

To get what you truly want is as simple as matching up what you do with what you say. It is a matter of deciding to live consciously.

Here’s the hard truth: Getting what you want is one third vision and two thirds action. If you are frustrated about the quality of your life, then do something about it. Get mad. Get really uncomfortable. Stop telling yourself you can’t do something about it because you CAN do something about it right now.

Decide right now that you are going to act in a way that’s aligned with what’s truly important to you.

Yes, it’s time to be a little black-and-white about things. Time to adult-up and be the driver of your life train rather than live as a stupefied, unconscious passenger.

I realize that you might be looking for an easy way out. I certainly was all those years ago.

There isn’t an easy way out.

Getting what you want from life requires that you first put something into the game. You must prime the pump before cool water flows into your cup. Even in the land of milk and honey you must do what’s necessary to earn them.

What’s truly important to you? What do you really want to create for your life?

What will you do now?

There is no passion to be found playing small – in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living. — Nelson Mandela

“I’ve lost my passion,” Robert said, “if ever I had any at all. I just woke up one day and it was… gone.”

Who among us has never had times like that?

Robert insisted he hadn’t felt passionate about anything in years. “Work is horrible,” he continued. “I feel like I’m walking into this negative energy field as soon as I walk up the steps. I dread going in there, but I guess that’s just how it is.”

“Why not do something else,” I asked.

He shook his head. “All the tech companies are exactly the same. We work long days and it’s just relentless. I’m angry all the time. About the only time I get any relief is when I’m reading.”

“What do you like to read?”

“History.” Robert’s eyes lit up. “History is absolutely fascinating. I always wanted to be a history teacher, you know.”

“Why not do that now?”

“Oh, I could never do that. I’m just too old. Besides, they say there’s no money in teaching.”

You can see how Robert was lying to himself. He still had passion, all right. He’d simply given up on it, snuffing its light the way you snuff out a candle.

He snuffed out his life out in the process, seems to me.

To Live Without Passion is Vile

It might even be evil. Settling for a safe, off-the-rack experience is is a losing proposition. Choosing to douse your passion because “they say there’s no money” in it will backfire on you over time. You’ll either wind up miserable and angry like Robert or, worse, complacent, dull, and arid.

You may have heard someone say you can’t build a life on passion alone. True enough. Take passion as a starting point and unite it with useful action, though, and you’ve got fuel for unlimited creative fire.

Nothing great ever arose from sterile ground. It rises from the fertility of passion. Passion is powerful, infectious, and polarizing. Passion is the foundation for anything worth doing.

What to Do If You Think You’ve Lost Your Passion for Living

First off, you can’t actually lose passion. You can ignore it, abandon it, allow others to convince you it’s only for the young. You can stop tending its flame, but that ancient fire never dies out completely. Fan those coals a bit, my friend, give it a little fuel, and you’ll have a roaring blaze.

I make that statement with absolute certainty because I was once convinced that passion had abandoned me. I felt dried up and old before my time. But passion hadn’t abandoned me.

I’d abandoned it.

Here’s the thing: Many of us have been socialized into believing we can’t follow our passion. “You’ll never make any money as a writer,” people told me in high school. As long as I believed those words they held true. But once I decided to reclaim what was rightfully mine I found my passion for writing again. And yes, I did make my living doing it for many years.

Though what I’m passionate about today is different, it’s passion with a commitment to useful action that fills my life now.

How can you rediscover your passion once you’ve let it slide? I know I had to do a little hunting. You will, too. I remember sitting in my living room wondering where it had all gone. Then late one night I picked up pen and paper and wrote like hell about my fears and what I thought I’d lost. It came slowly at first, then flew out of my pen like water from a fire hose. I wrote reams of poetry for myself. I wrote songs and stories.

Of course I was writing — I could hardly do anything else. I hadn’t given it up. I’d just ignored the raw power of the passion it represented.

Maybe you’ve given up on your passion, too. I’ve known computer programmers who became fire fighters, graphic designers who started textile companies, and school teachers who became ceramic artists.

You have to start exploring again. You have to get going with no particular place to go, no specific destination. You’re sniffing the breeze, so to speak, for the scent of a small fire in the dark. If it’s been a few years since you’ve tended that flame, you’re going to have to search a little bit.

But it’s there, not far from where you are right now. Trust me, it’s waiting for you.

Some suggestions:

• Turn off the television. Just walk away from it. It’s a jealous mistress that stamps out the creative fire. You won’t find the coals if you’re filling your head with fast cuts and sound bites.
• Stop reading the news. Now.
• Go to the library or a well-stocked book store. Real ones, please, not the virtual kind. Wander through the stacks and browse the magazines. Watch for the stirrings of interest at a title or topic. Read and even study anything that pricks your imagination.
• Look back to your childhood. What excited you then?
• Ask yourself what you would be doing right now if you didn’t have to work for a living. Where would you be doing it? What would you do to make life exciting?

It will take time for you to relocate your natural passionate energy. That’s okay. The key for now is to explore. Seek, listen, and you will find it.

Put your fears aside. Simply begin the search for what excites you. Like as not you’ll find it right where you left it.

All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better. — Ralph Waldo Emerson

One of the most profound discoveries I made that gave me a new resilience against anxiety and depression was realizing that I could in fact completely remodel my life. I didn’t have to settle for an off-the-rack experience.

I took that lesson to heart and used it to build a resilient work life.

In the early days of my first consulting business, I knew I needed some sort of plan to give me the greatest chance at success. I took many a wrong step, yet in the end I managed to put a solid business together.

I had learned through bitter experience that forming a successful business is to be conscious first about the sort of life I wanted to have. I spent long hours thinking and writing about what I believed, what I wanted from my life, why I wanted to start a business, and the things I did well.

Once I knew what I wanted from life, I knew that any business I created had to sustain that lifestyle.

The Conscious Business

Being conscious about creating your life and a business to match will set you apart from 99% of the other businesses in your field. Setting your intent and clearly visualizing and defining your goal gives you the clarity and energy you need to take what you do best and focus it on success.

Many a business plan has been slapped together using one of the business planning tool software packages available today. The problem with such tools is that they start you off in midstream. Make the mistake of thinking that a quick business plan is all you need for success and you will be gnashing your teeth before you’re through.

There is a lot you need to know before you begin a business plan. And all the software in the world will not substitute for the background you need to create a sustainable plan of action.

Never Too Late to Start

It’s never too late to reexamine your foundation. But it is far better to begin well. In the beginning your mind is not contaminated by what you think you know, by the sorts of experiences you get in the first few years of a new business.

Don’t get me wrong — experience is a wonderful teacher, but experience without focus is worthless.

You have an opportunity to create a mindset and the right focus. Spend the time early on and you can manage most of the difficulties you’ll encounter while they’re still small. You’ll mitigate the risk of launching a new business or product because you’ll have spent time understanding the territory. Remember: Knowing the territory comes first. Maps come later.

Take the time to develop a clear picture of your desires, abilities, resources, and what’s needed to make your idea a reality before diving into the planning process.

It’s in our culture, unfortunately, to not be conscious about the choices we make and to blame others for the circumstances of our lives.

Why not be different about the choices you make today? Make what happens in your life and business a conscious decision.

Create the path that’s right for you!

The more you seek security, the less of it you have. But the more you seek opportunity, the more likely it is that you will achieve the security that you desire. — Brian Tracy

Anybody can sit around waiting for opportunity to knock.

But what if opportunity never seems to come knocking at your door? Well, then, you’ve been sitting at the wrong door.

When I worked in the high-tech industry in the 80s and early 90s, I watched several of my colleagues take off for hot companies like Yahoo!, eBay, Oracle, and others. I wondered when such opportunities would knock at my door.

I was waiting by the wrong door for opportunity to knock. My door had a sign that read, “I’m looking for Security” nailed to the front of it. It might as well have read, “No Solicitors — Especially Opportunity.”

When I cleaned up my life in the early 90s, though, I began to see that I’d been waiting for life to come to me. No wonder I was always disappointed. Life won’t come to you any more than it came to me. Life doesn’t work that way.

I discovered that I had to build new doors if I wanted opportunity to come my way. Those new doors represented my efforts both to let life in and walk out to engage it myself. “You can’t wait for inspiration,” said author Jack London. “You have to go after it with a club.”

I recently held a workshop in which we talked about how to remodel your life. One middle-aged man came up to me during a break and asked me about building new doors. “I hear what you’re saying, but how do you know when the right opportunity comes? How do I decide which one to take and which to ignore?”

“Thanks for being so up front with your question,” I said. “But let me challenge you on something, if you don’t mind.”

“Sure,” the man said. “I don’t mind.”

“Good. You’re still looking for security. If you strive for security you will never find it. In fact, pushing for security really keeps doors closed.”

“Okay, but what the heck does that mean?”

“It means you have to build a lot of doors. You have to let go of worrying about security or about ‘getting it right’ and instead focus on opening up and stepping out. Invite life in. Seek to build two-way relationships. Engage interesting people and ideas. That’s the great thing about doors: They’re open on both sides.”

The man sighed. “So basically you’re telling me to stop worrying about the ‘right’ opportunity. That’s a tall order.”

Tall order? Indeed. But take it from me: If you lock yourself behind a door labeled “Security,” you’ll never get what you really want from life.

I won’t promise you that life as a door builder will be easy. You’ll have to put some energy into it. But when you do you’ll discover that more opportunities come your way more often. That’s the power behind taking action in your life.

It works when you open to it.

The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work. — Robert Frost

Take a look at the origins of the word “worry” and you’ll see just how deadly this destructive habit can be.

The word “worry” comes from the Old English word “wrygan” meaning “to strangle.” No wonder the habit of worrying creates such tension and misery in our lives. When we worry, we strangle our creative energy and generate misery for ourselves and the people around us.

“I’m worried sick,” a client told me. Of course she felt sick — that’s what worrying does to us. It makes us sick. And what makes me sick about idea of worrying is a simple fact:

Worry is a choice. It’s always optional.

So we are the ones who make us worry. We’re choosing to make ourselves sick! You’d never think of eating a poisonous mushroom would you? Of course you wouldn’t. Why then would you poison yourself with worry?

It’s a habit we develop and nothing more. And all we have to do is decide to break it once and for all.

A Cure for Worry

You are the driver of that train called the mind. It’s your engine and your tracks. You have control over that train whether you take control or not. The first step in ending worry forever is therefore to see yourself as the driver of the train, to see yourself as someone who doesn’t worry.

The second and final step in ending worry forever is to make up your mind that you are going to be decisive and take useful action about situations that you used to worry over. That’s because worry is really just a habit of inaction fueled by indecision!

I like what Steve Chandler says about worry in his book, 17 Lies That Are Holding You Back. “Worry is an abuse of imagination.”

You have more imagination at your beck and call than you may know. Use imagination instead of worry to put your mind at ease and end the cycle of inaction and indecision.

Here’s how:

When faced with a situation about which you’d usually choose to worry, turn it into an opportunity to ask bigger questions about it. For example, suppose you have a big job interview tomorrow. Rather than waste your time worrying about what the interviewer will think of you, or on whether you’ll get the job or not, ask yourself big questions such as:

• What besides money do I want from this job?
• What’s the best, most useful action I can take right now about that opportunity?
• What sort of questions do I want to ask the interviewer so I can decide whether I want to work for this company or not?
• What else might I learn about this opportunity that will help me better understand how I can best serve it?

Write the answers to your questions down. Don’t strangle yourself with worry! Look for ways to take useful action, then act.

Act with the knowledge that you never have to worry again!

Do you want to know who you are? Don’t ask. Act! Action will delineate and define you.  — Thomas Jefferson

It sounds almost too simple.

Yet if you study the processes of anxiety and depression for a few years you will discover an interesting truth:

Action has the power to shift reality.

No matter what is happening in your life right now, take any useful action and watch your attitude and circumstances change. It happens every time. What’s especially interesting about taking useful action is that it does not appear to matter who or what benefits from it.

I suffered from anxiety and depression for over 30 years. The things that helped me recover were simple in concept. Discovering the power of useful action delivered a breakthrough in my life.

And yet I remember how difficult it was to put action to work.

I remember bleak days when it seemed as though I barely had the energy to move. I can still feel the tunnel vision of free-floating fear. You know what it’s like. Getting up, eating, doing anything at all seems like a struggle. Then of course there is the endless march of black, destructive thoughts.

That’s one of the challenges of anxiety and depression. Inertia.

I’m grateful I don’t have to give into inertia anymore. Why not? I developed the habit of action. You can, too.

Developing the Habit of Useful Action

If you want to be able to use action in the middle of a severe bout of anxiety or depression you must have a simple habit of action to fall back on. Create a habitual sequence of action and your body will fall into it as soon as you make the first move.

The first simple action habit I created for myself was stretching. Don’t laugh. Stretching opens the body and gets more oxygen-rich blood into the tissues. It’s easy, simple to do, and it feels good. By creating a sequence of stretches I found I could snap myself out of anxiety attacks or depression and back into the present.

Remember: You cannot be depressed or anxious when you are completely present.

I ran through the sequence regularly, knowing that repetition would program my body to move through the sequence automatically as soon as I put myself in the starting position. Even now, all I have to do is raise my hand — a tiny expenditure of energy — and my body runs through the entire stretch program automatically.

My Simple Useful-Action Stretching Routine

Here’s the sequence I created:

1. Left wrist rotation, fist closed. Counterclockwise first, then clockwise.
2. Left hand finger stretches, from pinky to thumb and thumb to pinky.
3. Repeat steps 1 and 2 with the right hand.
4. Left arm stretch to the ceiling.
5. Right arm stretch to the ceiling.
6. Both arms up to the ceiling.
7. Gentle head rotations, drawing horizontal figure 8s with the chin.
8. Both legs out in front of you. Point the toes for a count of 10, then point the heels for a count of 10.
9. Stand and stretch everything.

Turns out the sequence doesn’t matter as long as you do it the same way every time. all I have to do is flex my left hand and off I go.

I know what you’re thinking. It seems almost ridiculous, doesn’t it? Yet it works, and I’m all about using whatever works in my life that moves me forward in a useful direction.

Stretching is only one example of how useful action breaks anxiety and depression trances. Other useful actions I employ include:

• Picking up the trash in the street.
• Ironing. No, really, I was surprised to discover how helpful ironing is.
• Exercise. Yoga is good. So is boxing.
• Playing the guitar. Playing it vigorously, too.
• Cleaning house.

Physical Action Leads to Mental Action

I find that taking physical action first also helps me take mental action and stay mentally fit. My business planning process, for example, always seems more effective when I first do something physical that opens my body.

What action habits can you create for yourself in the next 30 days? Focus on action habits that come naturally for you. What works is what works, the simpler the better.

What happens to your attitude and life as a result?

Concentration is a fine antidote to anxiety. — Jack Nicklaus

Meditation is not the absence of thinking. It is the cessation of struggle, the letting go of thought. It is your personal solitude.

One of the most powerful meditation techniques is the use of visualization to reach deep states of awareness. Now more than ever, we need deep awareness and personal solitude to renew and grow. One such technique is what I call Temple of the Imagination. By using it, you will construct your own sanctuary.

Constructing Your Inner Temple

To build an inner temple, imagine a place of great safety. The more clearly you imagine it, the easier for you to find solace there. Don’t try too hard. Practicing visualization is like grabbing a wet bar of soap: grasp too tightly and it will slip through your fingers.

• Pick three key features for your temple. See them clearly. I use these: slate steps leading up to an oak door; an antechamber filled with candles; and a platform that has a bamboo mat and a brazier of coals.

Use your senses: What does it smell like in your temple? Is incense burning? Are there fragrant flowers or herbs like sage and rosemary?

What does the air feel like on your skin? Cool? Warm?

What is the lighting like? Subdued? Sunny? Lit by candles?

What sounds do you hear? Echoes? Birds? Pure silence? I hear the metal brazier in my temple expand and contract from the heat of the coals.

• Once you’ve laid out your temple, enter it the same way each time. Sit quietly, eyes closed, and allow your breathing to come easy. Then, taking a slightly deeper inhalation and another slightly deeper exhalation, imagine yourself walking to your temple. This is your ritual, and it’s an important part of putting your mind into the temple state.

• The first time you enter your temple, light the candles if you use them. Thereafter, they’ll be lit each time.

• Don’t fret about other thoughts – you are in your temple, and can easily bring your attention back by focusing on your key features.

• Be gentle with yourself, and do not take it amiss if unusual things happen. Sit for at least five minutes at first, and build up toward sessions of 15 to 30 minutes.

What To Expect

As with any meditation technique, over time you’ll gain improved concentration, more energy, enhanced awareness of Self and the world around you, and decreased stress. But you may be surprised to find other things happening that you did not anticipate.

You may have visitors.

These will be aspects of your Self, returning to encourage you to complete some unfinished business or reclaim something that was taken from you. Often these visitors are images from the past. Allow them to visit. If you feel nervous or fearful, remember: The temple of your imagination is a haven in which you can safely observe these visitors from the nooks and crannies of your consciousness.

These visitors appear only when you have, in some way, neglected them. Listen to them, and then let them go. If a particular visitor becomes insistent, talk about it with someone “safe” – a close friend, therapist, coach, priest, minister, or rabbi.

Your visitors want to be acknowledged and heard without your analysis or judgment. Never chase them away, as they will only return later, often in more insistent or, perhaps, frightening forms. Give them your attention when they first appear, and they’ll soon enough be gone – leaving you with insight, plus the energy and conviction you will need to act.

Use your personal solitude, visit it often, and you’ll discover a sanctuary for renewal and peace within yourself.

Every good and excellent thing in the world stands moment by moment on the razor-edge of danger and must be fought for. — Thorton Wilder

How precarious it all seems!

Life seems to balance on a razor’s edge. At any moment the phone could ring, bringing messages of death or other loss. The sun could erupt in a massive solar storm that shuts down all electrical power and hurls humanity back into another dark age. You could be hit by a car, have a heart attack, or take a fall and break your back.

Precarious indeed.

Yet the truth is broader than that. Any number of things can happen at any given time. The phone might ring to bring news of an old friend’s visit. You could awaken tomorrow free of fear and pain to the most beautiful day you’ve ever seen. You might receive a promotion, save someone’s life, close several lucrative business deals, or learn that you and your spouse are expecting your first child.

So where is the best place to focus one’s attention? Shall we be wary of the uncertain future, or optimistic about what waits just around the next bend?

What seems most useful is to practice faith in one’s ability to respond to whatever happens, and focus on being of use in the world. Anxiety, depression, and anger drop away as soon as we bring attention to where we are now and act with a sense of purpose.

By resolving to make ourselves more resilient we increase our resourcefulness and capacity to take whatever happens as the raw material for building a creative life.

The first step in resilience, then, is to accept where you are in this moment without wishing circumstances to be any different.

Exercise

A simple meditation can calm the mind and bring you back to the moment. Try this:

Breathe in and think, “Here I am.”

Breathe out and think, “In this place.”

Breathe in and think, “Solid.”

Breathe out and think, “Free.”

Practice this exercise several times each day to begin building resilience you need for your life.

Seek after money and security
And your heart will never unclench.
– Lao Tse

“I don’t know what I’m going to do,” Angela said. “I haven’t had a job in six months. I need money to live.”

I’ve listened to variations on this theme over the past year. People generally go on to ask for my help in finding ways to get more money. The paradox is that you cannot get money if what you do is seek ways to get it.

Fact: Money isn’t something you go out and get.

I know how odd that may sound. When you’re unemployed — and I have been — there’s an insistent coldness that sits in the belly. We fixate on that frigid hunger, convinced that we have to go out and get what we need.

As though money were a fix, and we were addicts.

What I discovered, once I wore myself out with “trying to find the right job — or any job,” was that money never came to me when I went looking for it.

Money came to me whenever I sought to be of service to others.

Money, you see, is the measure of the value you deliver to other people by being of service to them. The more they value what you do, the more money they are willing to trade for it. This mutual exchange of value works quite well. It is how commerce has been successfully conducted for thousands of years.

Where most of us get stuck is in misidentifying money as value.

The truth is that we must engage the world in service if we are to be served in return. In other words, to create income requires that a person create something of value that fulfills the desire of others.

Note that I do not talk about “fulfilling need.” People pay for what they want, not for what they need.

We survive and thrive by participating in this cycle of beneficial value exchange. Mutual Assured Prosperity comes from faith, focus, full-spectrum engagement with the world, and helping others get what they want.

As soon as I turn my focus away from serving, money stops flowing. Make up whatever “law” you like to explain it, but this is practical fact.

When I focus on identifying what others want, and discover what I can naturally do to fulfill that want, opportunities open for me that I could never have predicted.

What happened to Angela? Like most of us, she struggled for awhile. The day came, though, that she got the message of service. Within a week of her shift in attitude she was once again employed. Is that coincidence? No — I’ve watched it happen many times, and it’s happened to me.

It will happen to you, too.

Listen to what people want. Find the wants you instinctively know how to fill. Fulfill those wants as effectively and as inoffensively as possible.

Watch your life change.

Close scrutiny will show that most “crisis situations” are opportunities to either advance, or stay where you are. — Maxwell Maltz

It’s 3:36 in the morning, and there you are. Wide awake. Staring at the ceiling.

The wolf is at the door. Now what?

Here’s “now what”: Get up, get something (non-alcoholic) to drink, sit down with pen and paper, and get ready to play, “Just the Facts, Man.”

Rule One is to remember that thoughts are not real. As Byron Katie says, the worst thing that will happen to you is only a thoughts. Repeat that a couple of times: Thoughts are not real. They’re stories. That means you can use them to your advantage rather than choose to let them make you crazy.

Rule Two is that ungrounded, subjective statements about your situation are not allowed. “I’m going to lose the house” is an ungrounded statement — it is not a fact. “I have more expenses than I have income” is a grounded statement. See the difference?

Rule Three is that the question “How?” is not allowed. As Peter Block puts it, the answer to How is Yes.

Got it? Good. Here’s how to play “Just the Facts, Man”:

1. On a piece of paper write, “What sensations am I feeling now?” Then list each physical sensation you’re feeling. Be specific. Examples: My neck feels tight. The sides of my head toward the back feel tense and achy. My upper back aches right between the shoulder blades. My eyes feel dry.

   When done, set this piece of paper aside and proceed to Step 2.

2. On another piece of paper write, “What are the facts of mysituation?” Then make grounded statements about the situationyou’re in. Turn each of your worst-case thoughts into grounded observations.

   Continuing with the example from Rule Two, a grounded statement might be, “I have more expenses than I have income.” While acknowledging the fact may generate feelings of discomfort, it’s the truth and not a made up future like, “Oh, no, I’m going to lose the house.” Of course, it might be that you are in a situation that calls for tough decisions.

   Let’s say your bank has foreclosed on your home. The ungrounded observation: “I’m losing my house.” The grounded observation: “I must leave this house and find another place to live.”

   When done, set this piece of paper aside and proceed to Step 3.

3. At the top of another piece of paper write, “The things that could happen are…” and list the possible outcomes of your situation, from best-case to worst-case. Again, make grounded observations rather than apocalyptic statements. “We’ll be homeless and hungry” is not only an ungrounded observation, but it does not actually happen to those who choose action over acquiescence.

   Once again, set this page aside and proceed to Step 4.

4. Retrieve your facts list from Step 2. Now it’s time to create options and decide upon multiple courses of action. “But what if I fail?” is a useless question. The truth is, if you want to get out of a tough situation, you’re going to have to make many attempts to do so. Some attempts will succeed and others won’t. Double your failure rate — or even triple it — if you want things to change more quickly.

   For example, suppose one fact is, “I have more expenses than I have income.” There are two option questions here: “What can I do to reduce my expenses?” and “What can I do to increase income?” Be thorough and creative. It’s often helpful to do this exercise with someone you trust.

   For each option you create ask, “What actions must I take to bring this option into reality?” Refine your list to identify the steps you must take if, for example, you want to reduce expenses by $1000 in the next 30 days. Break the actions down until you know what you must do today to start making it happen.

There are always options that yield continued positive existence. You must decide whether you’re going to lead a life of fantasy or truth. You must choose between action and acquiescence, between doing nothing and creating options.

The very act of identifying options gives you control over your life. You have no control over outcomes, and you certainly have no control over the consequences you’re getting now from choices you made in the past.

When the wolf is at the door, surviving and thriving is all about identifying options and taking creative action.

Perhaps it’s time to whip up a little wolf stew. Got any carrots?