You always do what you want to do. This is true with every act. You may say that you had to do something, or that you were forced to, but actually, whatever you do, you do by choice. Only you have the power to choose for yourself. — W. Clement Stone

Choices.

Some people like to talk about music. Some about sports. Some like to talk about food and drink.

I like to talk about choices. That is my choice, right?

Someone made an interesting comment to me last week about a situation with which he has been struggling. He’s stuck, he insists, in a job he hates from which he can see no escape. His wife has chronic medical problems, and the cost of treatments is eating away their savings.

When I asked him what he really wanted to be doing, he shrugged and said, “What difference does it make? With the situation I’m in, I have no choice.”

Really. What would you say to such a statement? Pause for a moment. Imagine what his life must be like and ask yourself whether what he said is true. Perhaps you’re even feeling that way about your own life situation.

Fair enough. Let’s dive in and look at his no-choice scenario.

Black + White = Nowhere

If you’ve been reading my articles for awhile, you can probably figure out where I stand on the no-choice scenario.

It does not exist. There is no such thing as a no-choice scenario.

When you believe you have no choices in any situation, you are choosing to believe a story. Like the man who says he’s stuck in a job because he has no choice, when you choose to believe in the no-choice scenario you are choosing to close all options.

What you’re really talking about is victimhood.

Can you see that? Can you feel it in your belly? When I choose victimhood I can no longer see the choices from the trees. It’s like closing my eyes in front of an oncoming train. “I have to stand here. I have no choice.”

Choices are not black and white. There is always a spectrum of choices available. Truth be told, there is never single “right” choice in most of the situations we encounter in this life. Every time you make a choice, a host of new possibilities and options arise that did not exist before.

That’s the key to unlocking a more creative way of living.

When Seemingly Stuck, Shift Perspective

Let’s go back to the man who’s convinced he has no choice but to remain in his job. The choice he’s really making is to stay in his job and endure the conditions he’s facing now. Assume for the moment that quickly finding another job of equivalent pay and benefits is an option that is unavailable to him. What else might he do?

If he shifted his way of looking at the situation he might discover there are more options available than he realizes. For instance, he could seek a transfer to another location where the climate might be more suitable to his wife’s condition.

Even better, he might negotiate with his boss to allow him to work remotely. His job doesn’t require his physical presence — what if he could move to a warmer, drier location and do his job from there? He might even be able to lower his cost of living at the same time, freeing up more income to pay doctor bills.

He could even negotiate the ability to simply work from his current home three or four days a week. Even that single change would make a profound difference in his quality of life.

Who knows what he might come up with once he started thinking from a whole new perspective and enlisting the help of others to identify options?

It’s all a matter of how he chooses to look at the situation.

“But My Situation Is Completely Different”

No, it isn’t. No matter where you believe you’re stuck in your life, you have far more options to explore. you merely decided there can be no other options because you’ve declared yourself stuck.

The only thing stuck is your creative mind.

I want you to think long and hard about “stuckness.” If you stare at it long enough you’ll discover that the thing blocking you is the mental equivalent of a Japanese door. It’s make of paper. Slide it out of the way or punch right through it if you’d rather.

Never buy into the stuck-ness of the no-choice scenario.

Questions for Getting Unstuck

Only inertia and a refusal to think creatively are stopping you from taking another tack. Start by learning to ask yourself bigger questions such as:

• What choices might I have if I looked at the boundaries of my situation as though there were movable?
• What choices might I have if I believed I could not fail in any destructive way?
• What options would I have if I had the ability to renegotiate my own reality?
• What are the constraints that seem to be limiting me now? What would my choices look like if I changed the parameters of those constraints?
• What makes me believe my choices are limited? How do I know that is true? What useful actions might I take to change what I believe is true?

Don’t let yourself off the hook on this the way my associate is doing in his life.

Ask the big questions.

Then choose.

Action expresses priorities. — Mohandas Gandhi

Welcome to the bad news about the endless vicious cycle of anxiety.

It’s the awful, secret truth. And if you’re like me, you’re not going to like it much. But if you want to be free, you must face it.

You remain anxious because you want to be, because you refuse to act. You keep getting the same results in your life because you either refuse to act or you aren’t practicing useful action.

I don’t care what explanations you have about your anxiety. You can attribute it to bad genes, bad upbringing, bad breaks, bad body chemistry, bad relationships, or a bad economy.

Look, it’s this simple: If you have spent your life struggling with anxiety the way I did, there comes a time when you have to decide whether you want a better life or not. It comes down to a simple choice. Either I’m going to take control of the situation, or I’m going to spend the rest of my life getting exactly what I’m getting now.

It’s Time to Get Angry

Let me share my story with you.

I grew up in an anxious, fearful household. I experienced severe anxiety and depression from the age of 8. by the time I reached my teens I’d decided that everyone must feel exactly the same way. I had no idea it was possible not to awaken in the morning miserable because I was either terrified to go to school or sunk into an awful blackness — or both.

Later, in college I discovered that drugs and alcohol could deaden the pain. Truth be told, they did work for awhile. Unfortunately, I used and abused them with a desperation that nudged right up against insanity.

By the time I reached 32 the honeymoon had been over for at least five years. I managed to get clean and sober. That was a landmark event for me.

Trouble was, I still had the anxiety hanging over me. And this time I had no crutches to fall back on.

Life Goes Boom

If you’re like me, you’ve spent a lot of time in therapy. Years in therapy. I coughed up all my junk in therapy. I also tried every anti-anxiety medication available. I got more frustrated because none of them worked for me.

I stared wondering whether I’d ever find release. I started trying alternative approaches in the same way I desperately sought relief in drugs and alcohol. Hypnotherapy, crystal gazing, astrology, regression therapy, inner child therapy, and a few other things that did nothing but waste my time.

Even prayer and meditation failed me.

Then one day the light went on.

In the midst of a life-changing crisis I came to understand two important principles:

1. Nothing is dependable except my ability to choose and act.
2. The correlation between insight and change is zero.

Let me explain.

Self-Knowledge Does Not Create Change in Your Life

The concept that insight does not lead to change may or may not be new to you. It was an extraordinary moment for me. I came to realize something that shook me up.

I was anxious because I chose to be.

How was that possible? I didn’t want to stay depressed. I didn’t want to awaken in the middle of the night seized by terror and panic.

The truth hit me square in the heart. Did I really want to be anxious and depressed? Hadn’t I scoured the earth looking for answers.

The answers weren’t out there. They had to be inside me. Answers could not exist anywhere else.

Habits of Mind, Habits of Body

It seems obvious to me now. The release I sought could only come through a careful assessment of the way I lived. I discovered that the causes of anxiety and depression are unique to each person.

We each have Habits of Mind that determine our sense of well-being and purpose, that set the ways in which we respond to what happens in life.

We each have Habits of body that determines how we feel and the subsequent quality of life.

So I paid attention to my habits. I decided I would treat every thought, act, or physical sensation as something I owned. I was at choice about these things. I could be responsible for my perceptions, my actions, and my choices.

I suddenly owned the anxiety and depression with which I had always fought.

And That’s When I Decided to Get Mad

That’s exactly it. Change was never going to happen unless I made it happen. The only one who could change me was me.

Untenable Habits of Mind and Body do not change by themselves. They have momentum and inertia. A body at rest tends to remain at rest.

And a body in motion tends to remain in motion.

Movement requires energy. The power to change had to come from somewhere.

I became unwilling to live in the confines of the anxiety and depression I had allowed to take over my life.

Then I got mad. I put the fires of frustration and anger to work on my behalf. Anger isn’t always a destructive force. I committed myself to reclaiming my mind and body, to remodeling my life in the image I chose.

As it happens, that mental shift was…

The Way Out and Through

It takes a bit of a perspective shift to own one’s state of mind and body. It takes a leap of faith to accept responsibility for anxiety and depression.

My story and resulting decision may sound harsh to you. “Where’s your compassion for suffering?” you may ask. “My situation is different.”

Stop deluding yourself.

You are where you are in your life because you made choices that put you there. If you can’t accept that, then you have to be aware that you are choosing to stay there.

Maybe it’s time to get angry about it. Maybe it’s time for you to stop pitying yourself and take wild, decisive, useful action.

Or you could just stay where you are and be miserable.

The truth is if I can do it, you can, too. There is no way on this green earth you could be lazier than I am. All you have to do is get fed up with being sick and tired of being sick and tired.

If now now, when?

A Simple 7-Step Action Plan for Change

Do you want to change? Are you really ready to take ownership of what is happening in your life right now? If so, here’s a simple but effective prescription for you.

1. Write the following on an index card and put it where you can read it several times each day: I get what I get because I choose to get it. I live how I live because I choose to live it.
2. Decide right NOW that you are going to take radical useful action to change. Get angry about the lousy choices you’ve made. Get remorseful. Don’t coddle yourself. Look at yourself in the mirror and know you can choose to change. Cry and wail. Then forgive yourself and get moving.
3. Practice observing your thoughts without trying to change them or wishing them to be different. You are not your thoughts, but you can become what you think about all the time. Keep a log or journal of anxious or depressing thoughts, noting the time of day, location, and what’s happening around you.
4. Immediately eliminate news from your life. That means no newspapers, no magazines, and especially no television news programs. You are what you consume. In fact, it would be wise to stop watching television for one week. If you’re nervous or angry at the thought of doing so, make it two.
5. Immediately eliminate sugar from your diet. That’s sugar in all forms: white or brown, honey, stevia, and so forth. Stay away from sugar substitutes, too. Trust me on this one — managing blood sugar is one of the keys to feeling better. You may feel lousy for about seven days. It will pass. Seven days from now you will awaken in an improved mood. While you’re at it, eliminate white bread, too.
6. Start your day with simple, gentle stretching. A few minutes is all it takes to open up the joints and get blood flowing. I’ll provide the morning sequence I use in another article.
7. Take a five-minute walk (or longer if you like) outside every day. Yes, rain or shine, but do use a little common sense. We don’t want you blown away in heavy winds or caught in a snow storm.

Nothing here sounds difficult or intimidating, does it? Of course not. Little actions taken together create momentum of their own. For now, focus on being aware of what you think, consume, and do.

You can reclaim your life.

You can at last be free.

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony. — Mohandas Gandhi

I don’t know much about being happy.

But I know something about *doing* happy. And I learned a lot more about it today after a visit with my 94-year-old grandmother. My Mamaw (as I’ve always called her) moved into a nursing home this fall.

It isn’t, at first glance, the most cheerful place. In fact, its feel is more hospital than home. Mamaw share a small room with another elderly woman, and spends her days reading or doing puzzles.

There isn’t much else to do.

My first thought when I walked into the place was, “Oh, no.” Elderly folk in various states of dress and stages of mental deterioration sat in their wheelchairs in the hallway. Some watched me pass; others seemed to be completely unaware of anyone’s presence. The home is clean but… well, it isn’t Home, if you get my meaning.

My mother doesn’t like seeing her mother there, but with limited resources it’s the best Mamaw can afford. Mind you, it isn’t horrible. Yet my still-lucid grandmother has no one she can really talk to there. It is a far cry from the house in which she was born and in which she lived for most of her life.

Given an environment that drives some to despair, Mamaw refuses to give into any sort of desperation. “Michael,” she said, “I have to be here now and I’m just going to have to make the best of it. That’s what you do in life. You just make it all work out.” She’s determined to take whatever action she can to create happiness in her life.

I admire her attitude and love her for it.

And I am grateful to be reminded once more that happiness is not what you get in this world.

It is what you choose to do.

I love cats because I enjoy my home; and little by little, they become its visible soul. — Jean Cocteau

The man’s fingers traced the crease in his forehead. George the Cat nudged him and he scratched the young tom’s head. “George, I’ve been struggling over this problem for days, and I’m stuck. But you don’t ever get stuck, do you?”

To his astonishment, George hopped up on the arm of the chair and said, “Everybody gets stuck. Some of just have the good sense to not let it stop us.”

The man stared at the cat as it continued. “What gets you stuck is when you try and try something and it still doesn’t come out right. Then you try and try more and just get frustrated.” George scratched an ear. “It’s like when you’re trying to catch a bird. Or get the jingly mouse out from under the big cold thing.

“Cats just keep at it until we either get it out or decide is isn’t worth it. We don’t get frustrated. We’re practical.”

“Well, that’s good for you, but here’s where I’m stuck,” said the man. “I have notes and files all over the place. Nothing gets filed, so I go a little crazy. Okay, I go a lot crazy. I’m so cluttered up.”

“So get a box and keep your files in it all the time.” George stretched. “Take it with you and you can also take a good nap on them. It would be nice. Or figure out how to put them inside the clicking picture box. But you can’t take a good nap on that.”

“Filing takes time, computers take time, and I don’t want to lug one around with me everywhere.”

George swished his tail. “You move around too much. Never get it all done because you go and go. Too many complicated things. Gadgets that don’t do anything. Choose one or two things and use them all the time.”

“But I get so many ideas I don’t know what to do with them all.”

“If they’re important you have to capture them for good. Then get rid of the rest.”

The man sighed. “What about all my journal entries? What about them?”

“You complicate everything,” George said. “Just throw the journal things away.”

The man frowned. “What about all the good ideas and things I don’t want to forget?”

“Really, you make things so hard. You are either lazy or dumber than a dog. Collect what you want and turn up your nose at the rest. This is the Discipline of Cat. All I have to do is sit and the right thing to do comes along all by itself.”

“So if things aren’t working, alter or abandon them?” asked the man. “That’s all well and good for you. You’re just a cat. I have lots of things to decide and important things to do.”

“You wait too long to decide. Choose and go.”

The man snorted. “I’ll remind you of that next time I serve your dinner.”

“Food is different.” George licked his paw. “It’s all about smell.”

“Okay, George. I get it,” said the man. “So what do I do right now?”

“Do what’s important.”

“What’s important?”

George purred. “That’s always the real question, isn’t it?”

*** Author’s Note: Yes, I’m the man. Yes, George is real. And yes, he definitely talks. He is, however, a poor typist and sends his best wishes to you through me…

Decide what you want, decide what you are willing to exchange for it. Establish your priorities and go to work. — H.L. Hunt

Are you ready for a truly illuminating personal experience? An exercise that will challenge, surprise, and even shock you? Then take a little ride with me today.

To get what you really want from life you have to know what’s truly important to you. Makes sense, doesn’t it? Good. So let’s find out what’s truly important to you right now so you can get on with the good work of getting what you really want.

This process may at first seem self-evident and a little simplistic, but stick with me. The results will be worth your while.

Step 1: List the Things You Believe Are Important in Your Life

Get a piece of paper and write a list of everything that’s truly important to you in your life. Include categories such as family, relationships, finances, mental and physical health, work, and play.

Stop now and make that list. When you’re done, set it aside and move to the next step.

Step 2: List the Activities That Consume Most of Your Time

On a separate sheet of paper list what you spend your days and weeks doing. What’s actually taking up your time? Refer to your datebook or calendar and look back over the last month. Be specific.

Stop now and make that list.

I confess: My first experience with this exercise was an eye-opener. I realized that though one of my most important things to do was complete the book I was writing, I was actually spending my time doing anything BUT writing the book. Was I avoiding it? I’m not in the mood to do that much self-analysis. But what I learned was that I had a problem with the way I was setting my priorities. They didn’t match what I wanted to get from my life.

How well do the items in your list reflect what you wrote in the first one?

Set aside your lists and proceed to the next step.

Step 3: List What You Spend Your Money On

I’ve seen people cringe and walk away from this one. It’s a scary step for many people because they have strained relationships with money. (I’ll show you what to do about that another time.) Truth is that what you spend your money says a lot about what your priorities really are.

On another sheet of paper, list what you actually spend your money on. Refer to your check register or online bank account for to be as accurate as possible. Go back over the past month so your list has depth.

Stop now and make that list.

What do you see? How well does what you spend your money on reflect what you believe is truly important to you?

Matching What You Believe with What You Do

The first time I did the money exercise was during a period of my life in which I was recovering from addiction. What I believed was truly important to me — family, financial well-being, health, and so forth — was not reflected in how I spent my time and money. It hurt to see that. But the exercise opened my eyes.

What about you? Perhaps you want to live an anxiety-free life yet are still living an anxiety-inducing lifestyle. Or perhaps you’re out of shape and want to get healthy again but you keep doing things that keep you that unhealthy and overweight.

To get what you truly want is as simple as matching up what you do with what you say. It is a matter of deciding to live consciously.

Here’s the hard truth: Getting what you want is one third vision and two thirds action. If you are frustrated about the quality of your life, then do something about it. Get mad. Get really uncomfortable. Stop telling yourself you can’t do something about it because you CAN do something about it right now.

Decide right now that you are going to act in a way that’s aligned with what’s truly important to you.

Yes, it’s time to be a little black-and-white about things. Time to adult-up and be the driver of your life train rather than live as a stupefied, unconscious passenger.

I realize that you might be looking for an easy way out. I certainly was all those years ago.

There isn’t an easy way out.

Getting what you want from life requires that you first put something into the game. You must prime the pump before cool water flows into your cup. Even in the land of milk and honey you must do what’s necessary to earn them.

What’s truly important to you? What do you really want to create for your life?

What will you do now?

There is no passion to be found playing small – in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living. — Nelson Mandela

“I’ve lost my passion,” Robert said, “if ever I had any at all. I just woke up one day and it was… gone.”

Who among us has never had times like that?

Robert insisted he hadn’t felt passionate about anything in years. “Work is horrible,” he continued. “I feel like I’m walking into this negative energy field as soon as I walk up the steps. I dread going in there, but I guess that’s just how it is.”

“Why not do something else,” I asked.

He shook his head. “All the tech companies are exactly the same. We work long days and it’s just relentless. I’m angry all the time. About the only time I get any relief is when I’m reading.”

“What do you like to read?”

“History.” Robert’s eyes lit up. “History is absolutely fascinating. I always wanted to be a history teacher, you know.”

“Why not do that now?”

“Oh, I could never do that. I’m just too old. Besides, they say there’s no money in teaching.”

You can see how Robert was lying to himself. He still had passion, all right. He’d simply given up on it, snuffing its light the way you snuff out a candle.

He snuffed out his life out in the process, seems to me.

To Live Without Passion is Vile

It might even be evil. Settling for a safe, off-the-rack experience is is a losing proposition. Choosing to douse your passion because “they say there’s no money” in it will backfire on you over time. You’ll either wind up miserable and angry like Robert or, worse, complacent, dull, and arid.

You may have heard someone say you can’t build a life on passion alone. True enough. Take passion as a starting point and unite it with useful action, though, and you’ve got fuel for unlimited creative fire.

Nothing great ever arose from sterile ground. It rises from the fertility of passion. Passion is powerful, infectious, and polarizing. Passion is the foundation for anything worth doing.

What to Do If You Think You’ve Lost Your Passion for Living

First off, you can’t actually lose passion. You can ignore it, abandon it, allow others to convince you it’s only for the young. You can stop tending its flame, but that ancient fire never dies out completely. Fan those coals a bit, my friend, give it a little fuel, and you’ll have a roaring blaze.

I make that statement with absolute certainty because I was once convinced that passion had abandoned me. I felt dried up and old before my time. But passion hadn’t abandoned me.

I’d abandoned it.

Here’s the thing: Many of us have been socialized into believing we can’t follow our passion. “You’ll never make any money as a writer,” people told me in high school. As long as I believed those words they held true. But once I decided to reclaim what was rightfully mine I found my passion for writing again. And yes, I did make my living doing it for many years.

Though what I’m passionate about today is different, it’s passion with a commitment to useful action that fills my life now.

How can you rediscover your passion once you’ve let it slide? I know I had to do a little hunting. You will, too. I remember sitting in my living room wondering where it had all gone. Then late one night I picked up pen and paper and wrote like hell about my fears and what I thought I’d lost. It came slowly at first, then flew out of my pen like water from a fire hose. I wrote reams of poetry for myself. I wrote songs and stories.

Of course I was writing — I could hardly do anything else. I hadn’t given it up. I’d just ignored the raw power of the passion it represented.

Maybe you’ve given up on your passion, too. I’ve known computer programmers who became fire fighters, graphic designers who started textile companies, and school teachers who became ceramic artists.

You have to start exploring again. You have to get going with no particular place to go, no specific destination. You’re sniffing the breeze, so to speak, for the scent of a small fire in the dark. If it’s been a few years since you’ve tended that flame, you’re going to have to search a little bit.

But it’s there, not far from where you are right now. Trust me, it’s waiting for you.

Some suggestions:

• Turn off the television. Just walk away from it. It’s a jealous mistress that stamps out the creative fire. You won’t find the coals if you’re filling your head with fast cuts and sound bites.
• Stop reading the news. Now.
• Go to the library or a well-stocked book store. Real ones, please, not the virtual kind. Wander through the stacks and browse the magazines. Watch for the stirrings of interest at a title or topic. Read and even study anything that pricks your imagination.
• Look back to your childhood. What excited you then?
• Ask yourself what you would be doing right now if you didn’t have to work for a living. Where would you be doing it? What would you do to make life exciting?

It will take time for you to relocate your natural passionate energy. That’s okay. The key for now is to explore. Seek, listen, and you will find it.

Put your fears aside. Simply begin the search for what excites you. Like as not you’ll find it right where you left it.

All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better. — Ralph Waldo Emerson

One of the most profound discoveries I made that gave me a new resilience against anxiety and depression was realizing that I could in fact completely remodel my life. I didn’t have to settle for an off-the-rack experience.

I took that lesson to heart and used it to build a resilient work life.

In the early days of my first consulting business, I knew I needed some sort of plan to give me the greatest chance at success. I took many a wrong step, yet in the end I managed to put a solid business together.

I had learned through bitter experience that forming a successful business is to be conscious first about the sort of life I wanted to have. I spent long hours thinking and writing about what I believed, what I wanted from my life, why I wanted to start a business, and the things I did well.

Once I knew what I wanted from life, I knew that any business I created had to sustain that lifestyle.

The Conscious Business

Being conscious about creating your life and a business to match will set you apart from 99% of the other businesses in your field. Setting your intent and clearly visualizing and defining your goal gives you the clarity and energy you need to take what you do best and focus it on success.

Many a business plan has been slapped together using one of the business planning tool software packages available today. The problem with such tools is that they start you off in midstream. Make the mistake of thinking that a quick business plan is all you need for success and you will be gnashing your teeth before you’re through.

There is a lot you need to know before you begin a business plan. And all the software in the world will not substitute for the background you need to create a sustainable plan of action.

Never Too Late to Start

It’s never too late to reexamine your foundation. But it is far better to begin well. In the beginning your mind is not contaminated by what you think you know, by the sorts of experiences you get in the first few years of a new business.

Don’t get me wrong — experience is a wonderful teacher, but experience without focus is worthless.

You have an opportunity to create a mindset and the right focus. Spend the time early on and you can manage most of the difficulties you’ll encounter while they’re still small. You’ll mitigate the risk of launching a new business or product because you’ll have spent time understanding the territory. Remember: Knowing the territory comes first. Maps come later.

Take the time to develop a clear picture of your desires, abilities, resources, and what’s needed to make your idea a reality before diving into the planning process.

It’s in our culture, unfortunately, to not be conscious about the choices we make and to blame others for the circumstances of our lives.

Why not be different about the choices you make today? Make what happens in your life and business a conscious decision.

Create the path that’s right for you!

The more you seek security, the less of it you have. But the more you seek opportunity, the more likely it is that you will achieve the security that you desire. — Brian Tracy

Anybody can sit around waiting for opportunity to knock.

But what if opportunity never seems to come knocking at your door? Well, then, you’ve been sitting at the wrong door.

When I worked in the high-tech industry in the 80s and early 90s, I watched several of my colleagues take off for hot companies like Yahoo!, eBay, Oracle, and others. I wondered when such opportunities would knock at my door.

I was waiting by the wrong door for opportunity to knock. My door had a sign that read, “I’m looking for Security” nailed to the front of it. It might as well have read, “No Solicitors — Especially Opportunity.”

When I cleaned up my life in the early 90s, though, I began to see that I’d been waiting for life to come to me. No wonder I was always disappointed. Life won’t come to you any more than it came to me. Life doesn’t work that way.

I discovered that I had to build new doors if I wanted opportunity to come my way. Those new doors represented my efforts both to let life in and walk out to engage it myself. “You can’t wait for inspiration,” said author Jack London. “You have to go after it with a club.”

I recently held a workshop in which we talked about how to remodel your life. One middle-aged man came up to me during a break and asked me about building new doors. “I hear what you’re saying, but how do you know when the right opportunity comes? How do I decide which one to take and which to ignore?”

“Thanks for being so up front with your question,” I said. “But let me challenge you on something, if you don’t mind.”

“Sure,” the man said. “I don’t mind.”

“Good. You’re still looking for security. If you strive for security you will never find it. In fact, pushing for security really keeps doors closed.”

“Okay, but what the heck does that mean?”

“It means you have to build a lot of doors. You have to let go of worrying about security or about ‘getting it right’ and instead focus on opening up and stepping out. Invite life in. Seek to build two-way relationships. Engage interesting people and ideas. That’s the great thing about doors: They’re open on both sides.”

The man sighed. “So basically you’re telling me to stop worrying about the ‘right’ opportunity. That’s a tall order.”

Tall order? Indeed. But take it from me: If you lock yourself behind a door labeled “Security,” you’ll never get what you really want from life.

I won’t promise you that life as a door builder will be easy. You’ll have to put some energy into it. But when you do you’ll discover that more opportunities come your way more often. That’s the power behind taking action in your life.

It works when you open to it.

The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work. — Robert Frost

Take a look at the origins of the word “worry” and you’ll see just how deadly this destructive habit can be.

The word “worry” comes from the Old English word “wrygan” meaning “to strangle.” No wonder the habit of worrying creates such tension and misery in our lives. When we worry, we strangle our creative energy and generate misery for ourselves and the people around us.

“I’m worried sick,” a client told me. Of course she felt sick — that’s what worrying does to us. It makes us sick. And what makes me sick about idea of worrying is a simple fact:

Worry is a choice. It’s always optional.

So we are the ones who make us worry. We’re choosing to make ourselves sick! You’d never think of eating a poisonous mushroom would you? Of course you wouldn’t. Why then would you poison yourself with worry?

It’s a habit we develop and nothing more. And all we have to do is decide to break it once and for all.

A Cure for Worry

You are the driver of that train called the mind. It’s your engine and your tracks. You have control over that train whether you take control or not. The first step in ending worry forever is therefore to see yourself as the driver of the train, to see yourself as someone who doesn’t worry.

The second and final step in ending worry forever is to make up your mind that you are going to be decisive and take useful action about situations that you used to worry over. That’s because worry is really just a habit of inaction fueled by indecision!

I like what Steve Chandler says about worry in his book, 17 Lies That Are Holding You Back. “Worry is an abuse of imagination.”

You have more imagination at your beck and call than you may know. Use imagination instead of worry to put your mind at ease and end the cycle of inaction and indecision.

Here’s how:

When faced with a situation about which you’d usually choose to worry, turn it into an opportunity to ask bigger questions about it. For example, suppose you have a big job interview tomorrow. Rather than waste your time worrying about what the interviewer will think of you, or on whether you’ll get the job or not, ask yourself big questions such as:

• What besides money do I want from this job?
• What’s the best, most useful action I can take right now about that opportunity?
• What sort of questions do I want to ask the interviewer so I can decide whether I want to work for this company or not?
• What else might I learn about this opportunity that will help me better understand how I can best serve it?

Write the answers to your questions down. Don’t strangle yourself with worry! Look for ways to take useful action, then act.

Act with the knowledge that you never have to worry again!

Do you want to know who you are? Don’t ask. Act! Action will delineate and define you.  — Thomas Jefferson

It sounds almost too simple.

Yet if you study the processes of anxiety and depression for a few years you will discover an interesting truth:

Action has the power to shift reality.

No matter what is happening in your life right now, take any useful action and watch your attitude and circumstances change. It happens every time. What’s especially interesting about taking useful action is that it does not appear to matter who or what benefits from it.

I suffered from anxiety and depression for over 30 years. The things that helped me recover were simple in concept. Discovering the power of useful action delivered a breakthrough in my life.

And yet I remember how difficult it was to put action to work.

I remember bleak days when it seemed as though I barely had the energy to move. I can still feel the tunnel vision of free-floating fear. You know what it’s like. Getting up, eating, doing anything at all seems like a struggle. Then of course there is the endless march of black, destructive thoughts.

That’s one of the challenges of anxiety and depression. Inertia.

I’m grateful I don’t have to give into inertia anymore. Why not? I developed the habit of action. You can, too.

Developing the Habit of Useful Action

If you want to be able to use action in the middle of a severe bout of anxiety or depression you must have a simple habit of action to fall back on. Create a habitual sequence of action and your body will fall into it as soon as you make the first move.

The first simple action habit I created for myself was stretching. Don’t laugh. Stretching opens the body and gets more oxygen-rich blood into the tissues. It’s easy, simple to do, and it feels good. By creating a sequence of stretches I found I could snap myself out of anxiety attacks or depression and back into the present.

Remember: You cannot be depressed or anxious when you are completely present.

I ran through the sequence regularly, knowing that repetition would program my body to move through the sequence automatically as soon as I put myself in the starting position. Even now, all I have to do is raise my hand — a tiny expenditure of energy — and my body runs through the entire stretch program automatically.

My Simple Useful-Action Stretching Routine

Here’s the sequence I created:

1. Left wrist rotation, fist closed. Counterclockwise first, then clockwise.
2. Left hand finger stretches, from pinky to thumb and thumb to pinky.
3. Repeat steps 1 and 2 with the right hand.
4. Left arm stretch to the ceiling.
5. Right arm stretch to the ceiling.
6. Both arms up to the ceiling.
7. Gentle head rotations, drawing horizontal figure 8s with the chin.
8. Both legs out in front of you. Point the toes for a count of 10, then point the heels for a count of 10.
9. Stand and stretch everything.

Turns out the sequence doesn’t matter as long as you do it the same way every time. all I have to do is flex my left hand and off I go.

I know what you’re thinking. It seems almost ridiculous, doesn’t it? Yet it works, and I’m all about using whatever works in my life that moves me forward in a useful direction.

Stretching is only one example of how useful action breaks anxiety and depression trances. Other useful actions I employ include:

• Picking up the trash in the street.
• Ironing. No, really, I was surprised to discover how helpful ironing is.
• Exercise. Yoga is good. So is boxing.
• Playing the guitar. Playing it vigorously, too.
• Cleaning house.

Physical Action Leads to Mental Action

I find that taking physical action first also helps me take mental action and stay mentally fit. My business planning process, for example, always seems more effective when I first do something physical that opens my body.

What action habits can you create for yourself in the next 30 days? Focus on action habits that come naturally for you. What works is what works, the simpler the better.

What happens to your attitude and life as a result?